chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
True college students do jello shots in the library
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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