Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
