I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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