I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
