hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
third nipple confirmed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize