Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
