Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
