Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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