just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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