Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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