currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
