nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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