i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
