i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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