Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
