I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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