No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
