I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
