Your face is a jimmy john
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
