I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
