3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
