I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She needs sedatives and a leash
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
