I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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