Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
