Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
