Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
