You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
