i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
