i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
