Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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