Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
