shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
