I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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