Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
