If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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