Everything about him screamed your future.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
