Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
