but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
