I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize