I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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