He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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