Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
