I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
