and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
