she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
