When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
