That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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