Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
