mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
