She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
