Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
