There was a lot of him and a little penis
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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