you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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