I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
