Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
