Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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