It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
