i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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