if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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