is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
