Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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