i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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