so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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