i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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