omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
