$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
