i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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