On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
