you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
