I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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