On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
