I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
