Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
