she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
