just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
