i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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