and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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