mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
