I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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