why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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