Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
