escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
