We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
