Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Randomize
