I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
