Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
