What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
