Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
