No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
