It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
