Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
