so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
