i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
