He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
