thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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